And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
