Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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