your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
