By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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