Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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