Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
