I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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