I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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