instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
