There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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