Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
