a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
