Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
