I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
