I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
