I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We left the knife in your bed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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