On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
