Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
