He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
