shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
