So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
