the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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