we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
