I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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