We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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