my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
