Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
