She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
