i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
