so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
