So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
