i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
