So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
