I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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