I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
