My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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