I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
