I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize