I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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