she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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