george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
