Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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