Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they're like a gay fantastic four
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
