I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And then he peed in my hair
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