how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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