if i can run in heels then i can drive
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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