Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
