afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
