I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
In America we eat man semen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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