I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
