please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
