I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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