We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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