Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
