Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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