Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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