Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
