Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
