He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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