Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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