u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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