then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
