Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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