Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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