Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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