somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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