I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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