matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
