we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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