dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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