If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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