Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
how drunk are you?
Several
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
