im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
tell me about the fingering
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