you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize