Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
