I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
