Will you blow on my dice?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A+ Viking dick
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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